Do: Please organize your mad tornado of words

I should have known when I looked at the cover of Spaceman Blues. A review from Harlan Ellison says about the book, "What a breathless, mad tornado of words." If only I had taken Mr. Ellison's warning. And so, here I am, breaking two of Josh's Dos and Don'ts for book club members. I am still 60 pages away from finishing the book, and yet have not stopped complaining. While I do not have any constructive questions to ask Brian Slattery, I do have specific and thoughtful words of advice for him. Not that he should take literary advice from me, who has and never will attempt to author a novel (or even a "love song" as he calls this book) but I suppose I'm just feeling mean-spirited.

Dear Mr. Slattery,

Do: Please organize your mad tornado of words. Many metaphors don't make sense. "Hunger that could break a horse" does have a ring of intensity, but has no meaning. Metaphors should help a reader more clearly understand your message, and are not simply an opportunity to wax poetic. Also, you're breaking Josh's "don't be pretentious" rule.

Don't: Ask me to fall in love with a character who I only meet for the first page and a half of your book. I would much more gladly follow Lucas to the seedy underbelly of New York, learning about his interesting childhood and his struggle to un-do what that cult did to him.

Do: Imagine and describe a fascinating New York distopia coexisting with our current New York. No complaints there, yet.

Don't: Throw inconsistent wacky rules into our real New York. The (upper) New York City in Spaceman Blues has no rules by which its governed. It's mostly our New York, with many accurate details I appreciate, but with confusing (not charming) exaggerations. Party-goers fling themselves from the rooftops, holding on to bedsheets to guide them to the sidewalk. People are referred to as floating a few inches off the ground. Just decide if that's a metaphor or not. I can live with the purple raincoat dudes riding on hover crafts...IF it freaks everyone out because they have never in this world seen anything so strange. Alternate realities do need rules, so we can believe in them.

Do: Give people imaginative names if they live in Darktown. Ringo 5 and Sid 69 are fine down there, but topside, detectives Salmon and Trout are getting on my last nerve.

Don't: Introduce a new character every other page if all you are going to tell me is who their grandfather was and in what manner this new character will die in 8 years. It distracts me and when I'm distracted I tend to fall asleep. Which could be one reason I'm having a hell of a time finishing your novel. I mean, "love song."

Sincerely, a woman who will now possibly be banned from future book clubs,
Clara